I’ve always felt that there are 3 main topics that no one will ever truly agree on: Sex, Religion & Politics. That being said, I’ve decided to “go there” as it pertains to sex!
On Monday nite my husband & I were laying in bed chit chatting & somehow our sex life came up. So this little lady went where no woman should ever go & I asked the all encumbering question of “on a scale of 1 to 10, what would you rate me?” That’s just as bad as asking “do these jeans make me look fat?” However, I’m not your average girl & I prefer the cold, hard, ugly truth so when I ask a question I want a real fucken answer. Well, I sure enough got an answer, but not the one I was expecting. Are you ready to hear what he said?!? He said (and I quote) “You’re a 7 or an 8. On your lazy days you’re about a 3 or a 4.” WHAT?!?!?!? The logical side of me appreciated his honesty, but the girly emotional side of me wondered what the hell was keeping me from being a 10 in his eyes. (I also love how he threw out 2 numbers for each scale, but c’mon, you know I only heard the lower of the 2.) Bro, I’m his wife! So does that mean I should be an automatic 10? Yes! No, I’m just kidding. Nothing should ever be automatic especially when it comes to matters of the heart or, in this case, the vagina. I want to earn that 10 & not just be given a pass because he put a ring on it. And here I thought we had this amazing sex life, but all of that was diminished the minute he put up those figures. Okay, I’m being overly dramatic now. :)
So what makes anyone a 10? Or a 9? By the way, I would’ve been happy with a 9. I think there are many different things that have to be taken into consideration when judging someone sexually & then putting a number on how good or bad they are. Since I can only speak for myself, I’ll give you a glimpse into my sex-o-meter scale. First things first, kissing!! I’ve always lived by the rule of “if you can’t kiss, you can’t fuck.” Plain & simple. The rule says it all &, therefore, needs no further explanation. Kissing is the catalyst or the jump off, if you will, for the sexual escapade that’s about to take place. If he can’t get that right what makes you think he’s gonna be able to find the sweet spot? He probably won’t so, next! Now I know most ladies look forward to foreplay because this is when you get to be ravished, but sometimes I find it to be overrated. There are moments when you just want to pushed up against a wall or thrown on the bed & taken right then & there. No speaking, just action … pure, unadulterated, carnal SEX. (and that, ladies & gentlemen, would be considered a 10!) But don’t get it twisted guys, foreplay is almost always necessary because us women don’t get our kitty purring that easily. We are creatures that need to be mentally stimulated in bed so that means “you gotta lick it before you stick it”. Or something along those lines, if you follow my gist. Alas, I’ve saved the best for last!! The actual act of sex, love making, banging … whatever you choose to label it as. Let’s explore what each of those labels mean to me real quick.
Sex is just that: sex. It’s a means to an end. You’re looking to get off, no more no less. That’s the K.I.M. business (keep it movin’) or a quickie. It’s still good no matter what way you look at it because you’re getting what you want out of it & if you’re not, well then you’re doing it wrong!
Love making is sensual & you don’t necessarily have to be in love with the person, but rather have a passion for them. It’s fiery, romantic, lascivious and all those other great synonyms!!! This particular form of sex should be reserved for special occasions or when you wanna bring out the big guns & blow someone away because it should never be taken for granted. I think you bare your soul in the art of love making & I don’t make a habit of showing it too often because then it becomes under appreciated. Feel me?!?
Banging sounds so horrible, but I think it’s just gotten a bad rap. That shit is erotic! Sometimes it feels good to simply get fucked, even if you don’t climax. There’s no rule that says you have to orgasm every single time you have a sexual adventure. Being penetrated can be just as good as any orgasm or at least that’s my opinion.
Have I been too vulgar? Good, my goal was to be controversial & arousing at the same time. With all that being said, there are many factors that go into handing out a simple number on a scale of 1 to 10. Few guys know how to do all of the above with expert skill & these few are an automatic 10, maybe even some plus signs (++) thrown in there too. Others got 1 or 2 down pat so their score may be anywhere from the 4 to 8 zone, this depends on how proficient they are at either or both. We all know a good cunnilingus can make a man’s score change at any given time! Meaning, he might not be all that with his apparatus, but he’s got talent with that tongue so he may have potentially been a 4, but now he’s a 6.
I bet most of you are wondering how my husband ranks in all of this &, if you must know, my Daddy is a certifiable 10. I can hear the audible moans now, but seriously I’m not bullshitting (trust me, he told me I was full of caca too). What makes him a 10 is the fact that not only is he at “expert level” (in my eyes), but through out the years we’ve perfected what works for us. Also, the love we have for each other adds to that number. Truth be told, he wasn’t that good the very first time we had relations & I told him so right after, but then he redeemed himself a few hours later. In his defense, we were pretty tore up so that’s why I granted him another go at it. Even on his laziest days he’s still, at least, a 6. See that honey, I only gave you ONE number each time because I don’t teeter on the fence buddy!
I never got a definitive reason as to why my number is what it is, but if I can speak frankly I think it should be a 9. I know what I’m doing in bed, shit I’m a pro at this. I was built for sex. I may not go all out every single time we hit it, but after being together for 6 1/2 years I think I’ve more than earned my stripes & put it on him enough to be considered a 9! Wouldn’t you agree?? j/k
I hope after reading this I’ve inspired you to go home & try to prove your number to your significant other or, at best, help change your rating with whoever you have in your rotation at the moment (lover, booty call, etc).
“I wanna own you, I wanna consume you! Get all molecular & pass myself through you.” — Melanie Fiona